Brother X and his girlfriend, who I now call Sister O, left this afternoon for a vacation that begins in Amsterdam. I’ve been to Amsterdam, and I know that the Dutch all speak 3 or more languages, including, but not limited to, Dutch, English, and German. So, the language barrier shouldn’t be a problem. They both enjoy traveling to foreign lands, so I thought of getting him an AI translating device for Christmas.
I asked my AI device what he/she/it thought of that, and Claude told me a story he heard about someone who had one of those devices.
Rick thought he was prepared for anything when he landed in Glasgow with his brand-new AI translation device. A confident American businessman, he was ready to seal a deal with a local manufacturing company. What could possibly go wrong?
Everything, as it turned out.
Donald MacGregor, the Scottish company owner, spoke with such a thick Glaswegian accent that the AI translation device might as well have been translating Martian. What began as a serious business meeting quickly devolved into a comedy of errors.
“Ah wis joost sayin’ aboot the contract,” Donald mumbled, his words a tornado of consonants and vowels that seemed to defy linguistic physics.
Rick’s device chirped and whirred, desperately trying to make sense of the sonic chaos. The first translation came through: “I was just saying about the ROCKET,” it announced confidently.
Confused, Rick leaned forward. “A rocket? I thought we were discussing manufacturing equipment?”
Donald’s bewildered look matched Rick’s. The device continued its wild interpretation, transforming Donald’s thick Scottish brogue into increasingly absurd statements:
- “Rocket” became “Squirrel”
- “Manufacturing contract” transformed into “Dancing with kangaroos”
- A passionate explanation about industrial machinery somehow became “I once wrestled a unicycle in Edinburgh”
Rick’s device was working overtime, converting Donald’s authentic Scottish dialect into what could only be described as linguistic performance art. Each time Donald spoke, Rick would look more perplexed, nodding and smiling, hoping to appear professional.
“Do you understand?” Donald would ask.
“Absolutely!” Rick would respond, having no earthly idea what was actually being discussed.
The pinnacle of miscommunication came when Donald was apparently explaining detailed specifications about industrial equipment. Rick’s device helpfully translated this as: “My grandmother’s teapot knows the secret of quantum physics.”
By the meeting’s end, Rick didn’t know if he was going to sign the most bizarre business contract in history or accidentally agree to adopt a Scottish highland goat.
As they shook hands, Donald chuckled, “Ye got all that, aye?”
Rick’s device translated: “Cheese is the universal language of diplomacy.”
He smiled and nodded.
…..
Maybe I’ll wait until next Christmas, when they’ve got all the bugs out.
Peace & Love, and all of the above,
Earl
earlthepearl137 