Tag: Seinfeld

Hi Ho Hi Ho Hi Ho Ho Ho I Go

by earlthepearl137

It’s finally here.  Festivus, which according to Wikipedia is “a secular holiday celebrated on December 23 as an alternative to the perceived pressures and commercialism of the Christmas season.”  According to Google, “People (who search for Festivus) also search for Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza, Winter Solstice, New Year’s Eve, Boxing Day, and Diwali.”  WTF is Diwali.  Sounds like the TV brother of DiBeaver, DiWally.

I had to look that holiday up.  So, back to Wikipedia.  “Diwali, also called Deepavali, is the Hindu festival of lights, with variations celebrated in other Indian religions such as Jainism and Sikhism.  It symbolizes the spiritual victory of Dharma over Adharma, light over darkness, good over evil, and knowledge over ignorance.”  I like the sound of that, though I have no idea what Dharma and Adharma are.  It sounds like two teams competing in the College Football Playoffs.

Anyway, this is a big week for a lot of people.  Not me, though.  That’s why I celebrate Festivus.  The celebrations of Festivus appeal to those people who like to air their grievances, participate in feats of strength, gather around a plain old aluminum pole as opposed to a highly decorated Christmas tree, have dinner, and witness miracles, AND it is also for people like me who are just plain lazy.

Festivus is the easiest holiday, way easier than all the other winter holidays that people are searching for on Google.  Airing of Grievances can be as simple as getting out of bed.  Sometimes all it takes is just for the alarm clock to go off to get me to start airing my grievances.  Feats of Strength are relative.  Once again, something as easy as getting out of bed can qualify as a Feat of Strength for me.  Absolutely no pressure.  That’s the spirit of Festivus.

The aluminum pole is optional.  I’ve always found that an aluminum beer can works just as well, if not better.  Festivus dinner is important.  There’s no set meal.  Eat whatever you want (or whatever you have) if you don’t have what you want.  If you do have what you want, that’s a Festivus Miracle!  Festivus Miracles don’t have to raise anyone from the dead or cure any diseases.  Anything good that happens on Festivus is a Festivus Miracle.  If nothing good happens during the entire day, that’s a Festivus Miracle, too, just not a good one.

So, I would like to wish everyone a Happy Merry whatever you celebrate, and the best Festivus ever. Check out this Festivus Dinner they had on Seinfeld.

Seinfeld: Festivus (Clip) | TBS

Peace & Love, and all of the above,

Earl

Tippy Toe

by earlthepearl137

Marianne, who has watched every Seinfeld show, reminded me of an episode where George Costanza used his invented code word “Tippy Toe” to signal Jerry that somebody was entering the room. It was right at the beginning of Marianne’s annual St. Patrick’s and Birthday party. I was talking about my latest big interest, James Buchanan. She told me that she would use the word “Tippy Toe,” if she thought I was talking too much about James Buchanan.

Then she said, “Tippy Toe” and went back to her other guests.

Eventually, other people at the party picked up on the signal, and I got a total of 24 “Tippy Toes” over the course of the evening. In my defense, I was wearing a James Buchanan T-Shirt (an item which can only be found here in Lancaster, his hometown). It was a conversation starter.  Many of Marianne’s guests are theatre people, so I was talking about the play I’m writing to boost the poor image we have of our 15th President. “It takes place during the Civil War,” I said.

“Oh, so it’s a musical,” Liz quipped.

“No,” I said, laughing, but then after a moment in thought, I said, it might contain some songs by Stephen Foster. Why not? He’s from Pennsylvania, too – and the same era as Buchanan, and his songs are in the public domain.”

“Tippy Toe.”

“Old Folks at Home?

“Tippy Toe.”

“Battle Hymn of the Republic?”

“Tippy Toe.”

I got the most “Tippy Toes” from Patrick, who gave me four of them. The last one was just for looking like I was gonna start talking about Buchanan.

It was a learning experience for me, as I searched for the episodes in Buchanan’s life that most interested a theatre-going audience. I found out what worked.

Very little.

Cool, I thought. Edison spent years testing over 10,000 elements, eliminating them until he was able to find Unobtanium, or whatever was the one substance he would use for a filament for his new light bulb. In just one night, I found out 100 things that the audience doesn’t want. A very famous sculptor, maybe it was Michelangelo, once said, I take a block of marble and chisel off the parts that are not whatever it is I want that statue to be. Me, too. I just have to chisel away the parts of my Buchanan’s story that the audience doesn’t like, which is pretty much everything between, “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen” and “Good night. Drive safely.”

They liked the funny stuff, but there wasn’t a lot of funny stuff.

That settles it. Buchanan, a Rock Between Two Hard Places will now be a musical comedy.

I’m just gonna need more funny stuff.  Way more funny stuff.

Did you hear the one about Buchanan, a priest, and a rabbi walking into a bar…?

I know. Tippy Toe.

Peace & Love, and all of the above,

Earl