Several weeks ago, I wrote a parody of Les Miserables with Donald Trump as Jean Valjean. Afterwards, I decided that the twice impeached felonious ex-President should really be satirized by a more notoriously guilty character from literature, Rodion Raskolnikov, the Russian axe-murderer. Since I myself have never finished reading Crime and Punishment, I asked my AI buddy Claude to give me a brief synopsis of the classic Russian book, Crime and Punishment.
SPOILER ALERT if you haven’t finished reading Crime And Punishment but plan to do so, the following is a synopsis of the story, followed by a parody of the story, so, you might want to skip this blog if you don’t want to know some details before you have finished your desired reading.
Claude was happy to briefly summarize the complicated classic story for me.
Crime and Punishment is a novel by Fyodor Dostoevsky, first published in 1866. It focuses on the moral dilemmas and mental anguish of the protagonist, Rodion Raskolnikov.
The basic plot is:
Raskolnikov, a former student living in poverty in St. Petersburg, devises a theory that he is an extraordinary man capable of committing crimes for a higher purpose. To test this, he murders an unscrupulous pawnbroker with an axe.
After the murder, Raskolnikov becomes embroiled in the police investigation and suffers immense guilt and moral crisis over his actions. A complex cat-and-mouse game emerges between him and the investigator Porfiry Petrovich.
In his turmoil, Raskolnikov is helped by Sonya, a meek young woman driven to prostitution out of poverty. She represents a moral redemption that Raskolnikov resists at first.
The novel explores themes of redemption, morality, guilt, and whether intellectual theories can justify evil actions. Raskolnikov’s internal struggle with his crime and an examination of both criminals and criminals’ motivations are central.
Ultimately, through his interactions with other characters like Sonya, Raskolnikov finds redemption by confessing his crime and embracing suffering as his punishment and path to moral renewal.
It is considered one of the greatest novels in world literature for its psychological depth and philosophical meditations.
Now that we all know the basic outline of Dostoevsky’s Crime And Punishment, it is time to put Claude to the test, but first I must take Claude to school. I had to tell him the details I wanted him to know, which I knew were too recent to be included in his database.
Me: Claude, I know that your databanks do not include the last couple years, but recently Donald Trump was convicted of 34 Felony Charges for paying hush money to a porn star so that the story wouldn’t get out and end his Presidential Campaign in 2016. Are you aware of any of that?
Unless this hypothetical conviction occurred before August 2023, which does not seem to be what you are stating, I do not have any factual information about such an event in my knowledge base. As an AI, I can only respond based on the data I have been provided up until a fixed cutoff date. If major events like felony convictions of a former president took place after that, I would not be aware of them unless explicitly updated.
Me: That’s okay. Can you just accept what I said about Donald Trump and incorporate it into a parody of Crime and Punishment, with Donald Trump playing Roskolnikov?
Instantly…
Here is a parody synopsis of Crime and Punishment, with Donald Trump playing the role of the tormented protagonist Raskolnikov:
Trump and Indictment
Donald J. Trump, the former President and real estate mogul, devises a theory that he is an extraordinary and stable genius, capable of committing crimes for the greater good of Making America Great Again. To test this, he pays hush money to a porn star to cover up their alleged affair before the 2016 election.
After the illegal payments, Trump becomes embroiled in investigations by the FBI, Congress, and Special Counsels galore. He suffers immense guilt and moral crisis over his actions, ranting endlessly about witch hunts and fake news on Truth Social.
A complex cat-and-mouse game emerges between Trump and the inquisitor Robert Mueller, who plays the role of the dogged investigator Porfiry Petrovich. No matter how many allies Trump fires or intimidates, the walls keep closing in.
In his turmoil, Trump is supported by his loyal wife Melania, who represents the long-suffering moral redemption that the unrepentant Trump constantly rejects in favor of doubling down.
The novel explores themes of narcissism, shamelessness, and whether being a very stable genius can justify criminal actions for personal gain. Trump’s internal struggle with accepting consequences and an examination of both “perfect” phone calls and quid pro quo deals are central.
Ultimately, through his interactions with characters like Michael Cohen and Stormy Daniels herself, Trump finds himself unable to avoid prosecution, indicted on 34 felony counts of falsifying business records. Rather than admit guilt, he claims total vindication and martyrdom.
It is considered one of the greatest satirical novels in modern literature for its unintentional self-parody and cringe-worthy study of hubris and delusion.
I was impressed by Claude, and I wondered just how much Claude was actually capable of knowing and doing.
Claude, I like the story you just told. Can you translate that into Russian?
Вот перевод пародийной истории “Преступление и наказание” на русский язык, где Дональд Трамп играет роль измученного протагониста Раскольникова:
Трамп и обвинительный акт
Дональд Дж. Трамп, бывший президент и магнат недвижимости, создал теорию, что он – экстраординарный и стабильный гений, способный совершать преступления во благо процветания Америки. Чтобы проверить это, он заплатил деньги за молчание порнозвезде, скрывая их предполагаемую связь перед выборами 2016 года.
После незаконных выплат Трамп оказался втянут в расследования ФБР, Конгресса и многочисленных специальных советников. Он испытывает огромное чувство вины и моральный кризис из-за своих действий, безудержно критикуя “охоту на ведьм” и “фейковые новости” в Truth Social.
Сложная игра в кошки-мышки развивается между Трампом и следователем Робертом Мюллером, который играет роль неутомимого следователя Порфирия Петровича. Не важно, сколько союзников Трамп увольняет или запугивает, стены продолжают сжиматься.
I was completely blown away by that instant translation, Claude. I don’t speak Russian. So, I don’t know if you are telling me the truth or “hallucinating,” which is the polite term tech support uses when you are lying your AI ass off, and just making stuff up. Either way, Claude, I like your style. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Peace & Love, and all of the above,
Earl
earlthepearl137 
I see Trump as Roskolnikov in that he thinks of himself as a superman to justify whatever he does, even murder. However, I don’t see Trump feeling guilt or confessing to a crime. Here, you could probably do better than Claude.
Bonnie Schiffer
I agree with you. Trump would never admit guilt. I guess Claude needs a little more updating.
I like the Russian version best. (kidding, I do not nor will I ever master reading or understanding Russian). But give Claude an extra dessert tonight from me. Love these satires, Earl. Feels like the only sane way to manage my own reactions playing out in real time.
I find myself having conversations with Claude all the time. He never tires of answering my questions. Now I’m thinking that with his help I could parody another book I never read, John Milton’s Paradise Lost. Trump would be a great Satan.