What Do Women Want?

alan-alda-then the-duke-and-trump-1-19-2016 womens-march

There’s an old joke about God speaking to the Rabbi Jacob. “Jacob,” God says. “You are the most religious man on Earth. Your faith in Me is stronger than anyone else’s faith in Me. As a reward, I will grant you one wish – Whatever you want. So, tell Me, what would you like?”

Jacob answered without hesitation. “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I am afraid to fly or sail in a big ship. So, I would like for You to build a highway from California to Hawaii so I can drive there.”

God gave this some thought and said, “The ocean is miles deep in some spots and there are huge waves and extreme tides. Building a highway across the ocean would be next to impossible. Is there maybe something else I could offer you instead?”

“Well,” said Jacob, “I don’t understand women. Could You explain women to me?”

God thought a brief moment and replied, “Do you want that highway to be 2 or 4 lanes?”


On the day after Donald Trump was inaugurated as the forty-fifth President of the United States, a gazillion women of all colors took to the streets to protest for women’s rights.  Back on Election Day, though, an estimated 53% of white women actually voted for Trump and voted against the first woman nominated for the Presidency by a major party.  By contrast, when the first black man ran for President he got 90% of the black vote.  According to some Republicans, Obama might even have gotten 125% of the black votes in places like Chicago.  White women derailed the election of the first woman President, a person who ran on a platform of women’s rights.  Now they were out in force protesting against the misogynist they helped to elect.

I can understand why the God in the joke thought it was easier to build a highway to Hawaii than to explain women. This election just didn’t make any sense to me.

Maybe God couldn’t explain women, but there was another almighty source of information available to me. I Googled, “What do women want?” It didn’t give me a definitive answer, but it told me what women want in a relationship. I figured that was a good place to start. According to the Elite Daily website, women want honesty, understanding, caring, strength, compassion, security, and blind loyalty. None of that sounded like Donald Trump to me, so I went to the next website on the Google list.

The Your Tango website said that women wanted respect, sex, romance, time, dinner, communication, consistency, engagement, humor, humility, and a challenge. That was a little more like it. The Donald had a few of those qualities, especially the challenging part, but he certainly did not have all of those qualities. So, I changed my inquiry question to “What do women want in a President?” I found that back during the campaign of 2012, Matthew Dowd at ABC News took a stab at answering that question. He said that women wanted a combination of Alan Alda and John Wayne. That combo certainly didn’t look like Donald Trump to me, but when I Googled “John Wayne and Donald Trump,” lo and behold, that wily rascal Donald Trump had a campaign stop and photo op at the John Wayne Memorial last January. Plus, Trump’s hair looks a little like Hawkeye’s hairstyle, and, like Alan Alda, Trump can be funny at times. I don’t think I’ve ever heard Hillary crack a joke.

So, I think Matthew Dowd may have guessed correctly. I still don’t understand women, but now I think I know what women want in a President, a combination of Alan Alda and John Wayne. That does not bode well for the election of a female Presidential candidate in the future, but the point is probably mute, because I seriously doubt if any political party will even nominate another woman for President next time. Old white men have won the Presidency 44 out of 45 times, so that is what the major political parties usually nominate. The Democrat’s attempt to catch lighting in a bottle with another Presidential first failed. As a result, prominent women Senators like Elizabeth Warren and Kirsten Gillibrand will probably not be given the consideration they deserve when the next Presidential election comes along. It won’t even help a woman candidate if she looks like John Wayne or Alan Alda, because even though that might help her get the women’s vote, it would certainly cost her the men’s votes.

Peace & Love, and all of the above,



Give Us Barabbas


“I, The Donald, do swear to uphold the duties of the President of the United States, except during the swimsuit competitions, when my mind tends to drift a little bit.  I kiss them.  I can’t help it.  I do it without thinking.  Where were we?  Oh, yeah, I, The Donald, do swear…”


After what seemed like an eternity, the Presidential Election of 2016 finally came to a dramatic conclusion on Tuesday.  It seemed that by the end of the campaign, most voters fit into one of the three main groups – The Anyone but Her Group, The Anyone but Him Group, and the ever-growing group who strongly favored None of the Above.  With so little on the ballot that appealed to the American public, the voters boldly chose not to elect a President.  They chose, instead, to send a strong message to Washington. That message is right out of the movie Network, “We’re mad as hell, and we’re not going to take it anymore.”  We’re tired of politics as usual, and we’re taking the country back.  Donald Trump was made the Messenger.

The first thing I thought of when they announced that Trump had won, was that Hillary can easily beat any white guys she runs up against, but she just can’t win an election against a man of color, any color.

Now, what happens?  What does the future have in store for us?

Well, in a best-case scenario, America, of course, becomes great again, because The Donald, like he promised, turns out to be the greatest President ever (or at least so his advisors, Rudy and Chris, would have us believe).  The bridges shine, the airports are ultramodern, crime is nonexistent, the anti-immigration Wall designed to keep people out is such an engineering marvel that it ironically attracts millions of tourists and tourist dollars each year, the streets are not yet paved with gold, but the street outside the White House is gold electroplated, billionaires are returning in droves and are pouring their money back into the U.S.A., and everyone is making a million dollars a year, or more. Racism is a thing of the past.  Orange is the new black in the White House.

In a worst-case scenario?  No.  I don’t even want to imagine that.  Let’s just cross our fingers and hope for something good to happen, or for the next four years to go very quickly.

Maybe Donald Trump can bring us all together?  Just like only Nixon could go to China.  Maybe he really is the only one who could unite us.  Even if we don’t like him, we all still agree with him that Washington is broken.  He could have a real doozy of a fight with Congress about something like term limits, and he could have us all rooting for him.  America loves the underdog, even when he is a billionaire underdog.  Americans would love for President Trump to tell greedy, self-serving politicians, “You’re fired.”  He might not have that power, since this is not TV, but We the people would, and we could fire anyone he told us to in the very next election.

This decision by the American voters, to take somebody without any political experience at all and give him the top job in politics, sends a very strong message.  The American people don’t want more of the same old same old in Washington.  They’re tired of the political gridlock and they’re taking back control.  “Nothing is more powerful than an idea whose time has come,” said Victor Hugo.  I say, “Be careful what you wish for.  You might just get it.”  I remember that an angry mob once screamed, “Give us Barabbas, when they had to choose between Barabbas and Christ.  That choice, I’m sure, seemed perfectly reasonable to them at the time.  Today, of course, it looks like it was a bad decision, a very bad decision.  Last Tuesday, an angry mob of Americans made another similar big choice, but this time they chose the one who thinks he’s God.  “Give us Donald Trump,” they screamed.  How will history look upon that decision?  We’ll just have to wait and see.

As for me, as an American, I’m appalled that we elected Donald Trump to the Presidency.  As a writer, I’m enthralled.  We’re getting off the kiddie ride and getting on the super roller coaster.  Be sure to fasten your seat belts everyone, because it could be a bumpy ride.

I can’t help but think that even the sacred tradition of the peaceful transition of power will soon be replaced by a scene like this:

Knock Knock

Obamas: Who’s there?

Mrs. Trump (in her Eastern-European accent):  “Geeeta.”

Obamas (giggling): “Geeeta who?

Donald Trump (Kicking down the door):  “Geeeta hell out of my house.”


I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

Peace & Love, and all of the above,