Remember when Trump changed the course of a mighty hurricane by using a Sharpie pen? Well, his Sharpie pen is still changing the world. The latest change was that the Gulf of Mexico is now the Gulf of America.
He’s not ready to stop there, though. In a recent press conference, President-elect, Donald Trump announced his intentions to acquire Canada, the Panama Canal, and Greenland. Remember back in 2003 when we were upset with the French for opposing our invasion of Iraq, and we reacted by swapping out the word “French” for the word “Freedom.” We had Freedom Fries, Freedom Bread, Freedom Dressing, Freedom Toast, Freedom Vanilla, Freedom Manicure, Freedom Doors, Freedom Onion Soup, Freedom Braids, Freedom Kissing, and Freedom Ticklers.
Now that Trump is preparing an invasion to acquire Canada as the 51st State, how long will it be before the far right starts texting things like Freedom Club Whisky, Freedom Dry ginger ale, Freedom Bacon, and Freedom Geese? Maybe, they’ll finally stop shooting Bud Lite cans with assault weapons and switch to blasting cases of Molson Canadian Ale, excuse me, Molson Freedom Ale.
To prepare myself for the world domination plans of the Orange Menace and his ultra rich creepy sidekick, Elon, I watched the movie Canadian Bacon, starring Alan Alda, John Candy, and Rhea Pearlman. In the movie, Alan Alda plays a President with a low approval rating who tries to start a Cold War with Canada to appease defense contractors and boost his ratings. John Candy plays the sheriff of Niagara Falls, who is swept up in the madness and invades Canada. Rhea Pearlman plays a wonderfully psycho Deputy Sheriff who blasts the hell out of the Toronto Tower. I sure hope they never show that movie to Donald Trump while he’s in the White House.
When Trump is finished with Canada, I guess he’ll start on Panama, and be texting about Freedom Hats, Freedom Jack, and Freedom Red. Then, Panamanians will be subject to the same slurs he now uses on other immigrants from the south, drug smuggling rapists who eat your pets. Freedom Red, Freedom Red. He’ll steal your woman, then he’ll rob your head, Freedom Red, Freedom Red.
I can’t think of anything with Greenland in the name except, well, Greenland, itself. Since those on the far right believe that Global Climate Change is a hoax and the Green New Deal is absolute poison to them, I guess they’ll just change the name of the country from Greenland to Oil-land, or more likely, Trumpland. Oil and minerals rights might be the reason that Trump wants it. Unless, of course, since it is halfway between the U.S. and Russia, he could be planning weekend getaways with his favorite dictator, Vladimir Putin. Suck it, Kim Jong Un.
Trump’s trying to sell his Greenland acquisition idea as a 21st century Louisiana Purchase. To me, it just seems like another con to divert America’s attention from the fact that he can’t lower the price of eggs and bacon and that his 25% tariff will probably even raise the cost of many items.
Many Canadians are worried about Trump’s plan to make it the 51st State, especially since Trudeau resigned as Prime Minister soon after Trump’s announcement. I would like to remind them that in 2024, there were about 240 million eligible voters in the U.S. Approximately 75 million voted for Trump. Approximately 72.5 million voted for Harris. Around 95 million eligible voters did not vote at all. Thus, around 68.8% of eligible voters did not vote for Trump. Trump may have an iron grip on his MAGA supporters but, I want to reassure our Canadian neighbors that the rest of us still live in the real world, and we will oppose him. “Oh Canada, we stand on guard for thee.”
Peace & Love, and all of the above,
Earl
earlthepearl137 