Florence Frighteningale

Sexy nurse with the patient

I’m working on a book about my friend Debbie D., a native New Yorker, who arrived in Lancaster a few years before me. She’s a character, and since third-world countries will have high-speed Internet long before she ever goes online, I feel safe in writing anything I want to about her, here.

She’s knows I am writing a book about her, though, so it’s not a secret. Besides, she’ll probably be the first one to see the finished product. So, unless I want to wind up someday eating a steady diet of bunny rabbit stew, I won’t say anything to piss her off (too much). But, some stories just have to be told. Consider this a public service message. Stay healthy, Pennsylvania. Debbie just got a job as a homecare assistant.

She lost her job at the T-shirt store, when the boss decided not to open the store this year. He was branching out into the designer popcorn field, and that looked like a bigger moneymaker for him. So, Debbie went job hunting. She landed a job that didn’t require any computer skills. So, you could say that she was overqualified in that area. Nor did the job require any other skills. So, she nailed it.

She also nailed the job interview. They gave her a few hours of orientation and put her right out in the field. Fortunately for those individuals for whom she will be performing home care, the orientation was all about what she is NOT supposed to do. She can’t administer drugs, not even aspirin. She can’t even put a Bandaid on a patient, but she can give them a Bandaid if they are bleeding and are able to put it on by themselves. She is not there to be a nurse. She is only there to run errands, do dishes, sweep up, do the laundry, that kind of stuff. Still, it scares me half to death. I’ve known Debbie for more than 3 years, and she has a talent for breaking things that surpasses any proverbial bull in any proverbial China shop anywhere.

The home care company at least showed some good sense by making her first assignments two patients, who were under hospice care, and probably not going to live that long anyhow. Debbie showed a little good sense of her own, by asking to go meet the two patients while another caregiver was there, so that somebody could show her the ropes. As a gambling man, I’d say that both parties have now probably used up most of the good sense either of them ever had. So, if Debbie makes it through the probationary period, it’s only a matter of time before she’ll get assigned to someone not in hospice, at least not in hospice until after she became their caregiver. Stay healthy, Pennsylvania. Watch your diet. Take your vitamins. Exercise. The life you save could be your own.

Peace & Love, and all of the above,

Earl