Tag: writing

The Seaford Way

by earlthepearl137

The Seaford Way

When Brother X—known in legal circles as Donald—turned 75, he didn’t ask for much: just a day at the ballpark with 50 people who mattered. For a man whose influence spreads through family trees, Lions Club meetings, and neighborhood barbecue debates, this was no ordinary birthday. This was a coronation.

But before the crown and sash came the journey.  Since his family frowns on him taking long road trips alone, Donald and his daughter Beth arrived in Lancaster Thursday night so they could pick me up Friday morning and avoid a round-trip marathon in one day. Beth, a cop, rode up front. I climbed into the back—on the right side.  I stand facing the road and back into the seat.  Then I push myself as far into the vehicle as possible with my good right leg.  I hit an obstruction, an arm rest, so I raised it and pushed again.  Success, so, I swiveled to adjust myself into the seat and I was ready to go.

“Where’s that coffee you promised?” I asked.

“In the armrest,” he said.

Oops.  I pulled the arm rest down, only to discover that half the cup had already christened the upholstery. Auspicious beginnings as Jack Nicholson said in the movie Five Easy Pieces.  Brother X cleaned up the mess, and I laughed and ate the bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich, which he also provided.  We took the slow but scenic route out of town and had clear sailing until we got to New York—specifically, the Belt Parkway, which transformed into a parking lot with signage.

Beth, ever the navigator, detoured us through Flatlands, where she had worked when she first joined the N.Y.P.D.  Traffic still crawled, but at least it was scenic. We finally reached Seaford just shy of 3 p.m.

With our concert plans for the evening canceled, Donald asked me what I wanted to do. I’d never seen Ted Lasso but had heard enough to know it might be the perfect show to binge-watch in whiskey-soaked solidarity. Donald had already seen all three seasons—but gladly rewatched them with me.

We binged season one.  We cracked open the Jack Daniels he bought for my birthday in August. It was classic Paulson bonding.

Saturday was Game Day. Brother X removed the baby seat from the car, added his late wife’s rollator for me, and Kathleen (his girlfriend, who he met in Iceland in January) and Beth joined us for the ride to Commack. That ballpark is special to him because one year when he was named one of the six Seaford Patriots, for his work in the community, one of the perks was throwing out the first ball at the Commack stadium.  At the ballpark, we joined 47 of Donald’s friends and family. (One missed due to illness.) They handed him a sash: “Happy 75th Birthday” and crowned him with a metal tiara marked with a bold 75.  When it looked like a thunderstorm might pass by, I encouraged him to take off the metal crown he was wearing and hold it up high in the air.  Sarcasm is also part of the classic Paulson bonding.

Many of his friends were also turning 75, so Donald paid for their names to appear on the jumbotron after the second inning. It was festive, chaotic, and beautiful—even if the Ducks lost 7–2 to the Dirty Birds.

For Sunday, Donald had arranged a memorial mass for our late brother Kevin, a gay police captain and columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle, who would have been celebrating his 67th birthday that day.  Kevin wrote eloquently about his life with partner Brian and their adopted sons—Zane, who danced too close to the law, and Aidan, a shy, quiet soul now making his way through college. Kevin once said he took inspiration from former Chronicle columnist Mark Twain, who warned, “Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.” I think Kevin held a higher rank than Captain, but I, too, never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

As an atheist, I was lovingly excused from church. Instead, I slept in and later, X and I taught Kathleen how to play pinochle.  After she took all our money, we went back to our Ted Lasso marathon.

Kathleen bought me two big bottles of Moscato Sangria. On Monday, we drank wine, ate Chinese takeout, played more cards, and finished season two of Lasso. It was comforting, light, and full of laughter.

On Tuesday, Don and I visited my best friend John, now undergoing chemotherapy. His body had shrunk, but his wit hadn’t. We joked, talked Yankees, and filled his “recovery room” with laughter. It was the kind of visit that sticks to your ribs, even more than the sauerbraten we ate later at Das Bierstube, which I call “Das Digs” combining the old and new names of the bar/restaurant.

My mother’s sauerbraten was the stuff of legend, even outshining what I once tasted in Germany. So we go out for sauerbraten not for flavor, but for ritual: to remember her, to compare notes, and to declare—again and again—that no chef measures up.

That evening, we had hibachi at D.J.’s house. I was too full to eat but not too full to drink. We sipped beers while Cooper and Chloe ran wild in the backyard, turning it into a small summer paradise.

Back in Seaford, Donald and Kathleen went to bed, but I stayed up until 4 a.m. finishing Ted Lasso. I needed that final episode. I needed to feel what Coach Lasso felt when the journalist handed him the book: The Lasso Way.

But Ted had it right. He renamed it The Richmond Way. Because it wasn’t about him. It was about all of them.

We left Seaford at 10 a.m. and arrived in Lancaster by 2. Kathleen treated us to cheesesteaks and a hamburger from the shop across from my house. Then she and Donald went to their hotel for a swim and some sleep before heading back to New York.

The Seaford Way is not about Donald alone. It’s about Beth, with her grit and grace. It’s about Kathleen, who learns card games and brings sangria and cheesesteaks. It’s about Kevin, who kept stories alive, even beyond truth. It’s about John and DJ, Stacy and Cooper, Chloe and sauerbraten—and yes, it’s about me, too.

But mostly, it’s about the people who show up. It’s about how Coach Lasso said goodbye—not with ego, but with love.

And it’s how Brother X lives every day.

This is The Seaford Way.

I love my Brother X, even if he is a wanker.

Peace & Love, and all of the above,

Earl

Travels down the Hershey Highway

by earlthepearl137

I debated with myself whether I should write this article or not.  It’s not a pleasant subject, but it does contain a valuable lesson, so I’m going to write it.  I’ll try not to be too crude and I’ll keep it as brief as possible.

Several months ago I watched a show about Fascism under Mussolini.  He would round up his enemies and opponents and have them marched across town.  Then he would make them drink a cup of castor bean oil and march them back across town.  Invariable the laxative effect of the castor oil would make them soil their pants as they walked, and they had to walk all the way across town like that.  I got two things out of this video. One, dictators are sadistic and cruel.  Two, Castor Bean Oil is a powerful laxative.

Since I occasionally suffer from constipation. I decided to order a bottle of it.  To qualify for free shipping, I ordered 2 bottles and a rechargeable portable hand-held mini bidet.  I figured the two products could both come in handy if I ever needed them.

I realized today that I hadn’t had a bowel movement in days.  I was worried and I decided it was finally time to try the Castor Bean Oil treatment.  I took a big gulp of it and 15 minutes later the blockage was easily eliminated without the moaning and groaning, grunting, and rapid breathing that usually accompany multi-day bowel movements.  Mission Accomplished.

But, similar to George W. Bush’s mission, it was not yet complete.  I had to hover in or near the bathroom for the next five hours in what I can only describe as a Colonoscopy prep without the green Gatorade.

So, what did I learn?  First, I learned that the next time I am in this situation, start with just a half-teaspoon of Castor Bean oil, and secondly, I learned to make sure to charge the batteries of the hand-held portable bidet, before taking the Castor Bean Oil.

Peace & Love, and all of the above,

Earl

The Tooth Fairy

by earlthepearl137

Back in January, I decided that the hip pain I was feeling made the pain of a hip replacement worth my while.  So, I told the VA doctor and started on the road to the surgery.  What a long, strange trip it’s been.

First I had to meet with the Orthopedics department to get their assessment of my hip.  They set up an appointment for x rays.  The x-rays confirmed that a hip replacement was in order.  But now I had to get confirmation from my cardiologist and dentist that I was cleared for surgery.  I expected my cardiologist to tell me that I needed more stents or some other work done, since I’ve be sluggish for months.  Nope.  He sent me for two different tests and the results came back, okay.  Not perfect, but okay for surgery.

Then I hit my first roadblock.  I called my dentist who I haven’t seen in years and left a message.  He didn’t call back.  So, the following week, I left another message and again he didn’t call back.  The following week I left another message and the next day I got a call from the office.  They would only see me if I got a referral from another dentist. WTF.  I decided to find another dentist.  When I go to the VA Clinic I pass by a dental office.  The bus there doesn’t run often, but the office is near the bus stop.  I called, and I asked if they were accepting new patients.

There was a pause, where the person on the other end of the line wanted to say, “Duh!” but she controlled herself and just said, “Of course.”  We set up an appointment.

I thought this would be easy as I didn’t have any pain, though I did have one broken tooth.  The X-rays revealed that I needed more work than I thought.  So, I made another appointment to get started.  Now, it was time to catch the bus home.  That bus stop wasn’t far, but it was on the other side of what is basically a busy highway.  It was at least 10 minutes before I saw a big gap and made my move.  Here, you should remember that I have a bad hip.  I made it half-way across, and realized that I would have to wait for another break in traffic to complete the crossing.  So, I stood in the middle of the highway with cars whizzing by on both sides waiting for a break in traffic.  After about 5 minutes, a lady came out from the car repair business on the same side of the street as the dentist.  “What the hell are you doing?  You can’t stand in the middle of the highway.”

I yelled back that I was just trying to get to the bus stop.  She shook her head, and mumbled something I didn’t understand.  Finally, I saw my break and I made it to the bus stop unscathed.

After my dental appointment the following week, I decided to just catch the bus at the same stop where I got off, ride to the end of the line, stay on the bus, and ride home, instead of trying to cross the highway again.  That worked.  It took much longer, but it worked.

After my appointment yesterday, I realized that I had about an hour and 20 minutes before the bus would arrive.  This time I brought my walker, not just a cane, so, figuring that I was now a tiny bit faster, I decided to cross the highway again.  I had plenty of time before the bus would arrive, so I waited until I was sure that I had enough time to make it all the way across.  It was about 15 minutes before I saw my opportunity, and I took it.  I made it.

Here’s where I should mention that the bus stop doesn’t look like a bus stop.  The weeds on the side of the road have overgrown the bus stop sign, and there is no shelter, marking, or anything else that would let you know that it is a bus stop, except that it is across the street from the bus stop heading in the other direction.  I had my walker, so I sat down on the shoulder of the road to wait.

About 20 minutes later a cop car went by going the other direction.  He waited until it was safe, made a u-turn, and pulled up a few feet behind me, lights flashing.  He got out and asked me if I was okay and what the heck was I doing.  I told him I was waiting for the bus.  He didn’t see any bus stop sign, so I told him that the weeds were blocking it.  He checked. I mentioned that I wouldn’t object if he put me in the back of his patrol car and drove me into town.  He said that was against the rules, wished me luck, and drove off.

So, I went back to patiently waiting for the bus that I knew was still more than 45 minutes away.  It hadn’t even passed by in the other direction, yet.  Then, a woman came out of the dental office and yelled something at me.  I couldn’t hear what she was saying over the traffic noise.  She waited for a break in traffic and ran over to me.  Was I okay?  What was I doing?  Once again, I explained that I was just waiting for the bus.  She told me that she was waiting in the dental office with her teenage son, when she saw me through the window, she was worried that I was a dementia patient or something.  I was slurring my words.  I assured her that I was fine.  I was just going home after a trip to the same dentist, and the reason I was talking funny was because the Novocain hadn’t worn off yet.

She asked where I lived and offered to give me a ride home.  That was better than a visit from the Tooth Fairy.  We crossed the highway together, with her holding out her hand to slow down the traffic.  We got to her car.  She called her son to tell him that she would be right back.  Melisa and I headed for my house.

Along the way, we chatted and realized that we both had moved from other places to Lancaster.  She was from Baltimore.  It was an interesting conversation, and she told me to take her phone number in case I ever needed a ride.  We realized that we both like to play Scrabble, so we made plans to get together for a Scrabble game.  So, I wound up making a new friendship, and now have another Scrabble player to hang out with occasionally.

I have another Dental appointment on Thursday.  I wonder if I should bring my Scrabble board.

Peace & Love, and all of the above.

Earl

Baby, Your the GRINCHiest

by earlthepearl137

A Gangster now known as Donny Two Dolls

Back in my day, on a TV program named 77 Sunset Strip, the parking lot attendant, Kookie Burns, used to say, “Baby, you’re the Ginchiest.”  If you’re under 70, you might need to see this clip from Dick Clark’s American Bandstand to get an idea of his character.

Edd Byrnes & Connie Stevens “Kookie, Kookie, Lend Me Your Comb”

Back then, ginchiest was Kookie’s beatnik word for somebody who was the absolute coolest person.  Nowadays, we have somebody who is the exact opposite.  Donald Trump is the GRINCHiest person.

When a reporter informed him that there would likely be a toy shortage this Christmas, if he kept the high tariff on China, Trump said that children would just get two dolls instead of 30, and they might cost a little more, but it wasn’t a big deal.

No toys for our little tots?  No big deal?  If a Democrat said that, the Fox “News” Nutwork would already be screaming about the heartless “War on Christmas” by pinko leftists.  Now, since Trump said it, they don’t even bother to comment on his comment. If they ever have to say something, they will find a way to blame it on Biden. “If Biden didn’t force all the toy manufacturers to move to China….”

Donny Two Dolls doesn’t think anything about taking away somebody else’s toys, but he raced back from Italy immediately after the funeral of Pope Francis, so that he could get in a round of golf at his club in New Jersey before the sun went down.  He sure won’t give up any of his toys, but he expects your kids to “take it like a man.”  Beside, why are you wasting your money on toys when you can get your kids digital action pictures of Donald Trump for only $99.99.

Peace & Love, and all of the above,

Earl

Reply

by earlthepearl137

I want to reply to all the people who commented on my most recent post, but I don’t have a “Reply” button. So, until I figure it out how to do that, I’ll just post this as a new post.

Most people commented along these lines…”when you look at the current scenario in the US where the rich are not only determined to get richer by the usual methods, but by re-directing financial support from those needing it into their coffers, it would be enormously hard for the rank and file worker bees to trust.”

I agree 100%. This will not be easy. The rich will make it very difficult, extremely difficult. It won’t happen until we reach a tipping point where the rich have almost everything, and the people have almost nothing. The thing is, I believe that day is rapidly approaching. With AI, Robots, and Drones, most workers can easily be replaced in the next decade or two. Unfortunately, the benefits of the technology will only go to the companies who own the AI, Robots, and Drones. They will not willingly share the wealth. We won’t get more leisure time, but they will get more money. They will have the money, BUT we have the many. We can change society by sheer force of numbers. We can make the future brighter. They know that, so they simply keep us divided. That is their strategy, and unfortunately, it is working. Someday, though, when we’re really downtrodden, out of necessity, we will put aside our petty differences. We will stop with the nonsense of white people versus people of color, middle class versus the poor, educated versus the uneducated, Democrat versus Republican versus Independent, and young versus old. We will unite and win, but it may come too late, especially when the rich will control all media, and they will not tell us the truth. We have to start now.

Peace & Love, and all of the above,

Earl

Who You Gonna Call?

by earlthepearl137

Just for the sake of argument, let’s say you’re a billionaire.  No, a multi-billionaire.  What would you do?  Would you buy a private jet?  Probably.  Who would you hire to fly the plane?  Tom Hanks played Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger in the movie “Sully.”  Would you hire him?  No.  He’s not a real pilot.  You would hire someone with a pilot’s license.  You could hire Tom Cruise who played Lieutenant/Captain Pete “Maverick” Mitchell in the movie “Top Gun.”  He actually does have a pilot license, but he is the exception to the rule.  Most actors are actors, not the role they are playing.

If you needed surgery, would you hire Alan Alda, who played Dr. Hawkeye Pierce in “M*A*S*H” from 1972 through 1983?  Or maybe Hugh Laurie who played Dr. Gregory House in “House” from 2004 through 2012, or Richard Chamberlain, who played Dr. Kildare in “Dr. Kildare” from 1961 through 1966, or George Clooney, who played Dr. Doug Ross in “ER” from 2000 through 2009?  No, you would find a real surgeon, one who actually went to medical school and practiced surgery.

If you had legal problems, would you want Raymond Burr defending you.  He played Perry Mason in “Perry Mason” from 1957 through 1966 and never lost a case, at least not until “The Case of the Terrified Typist.”  James Spader was terrific as Attorney Alan Shore in “Boston Legal” from 2004 through 2008, but in real life, he never passed the bar.  If you needed a lawyer, you would hire an experienced lawyer.

Jane Withers played Josephine the Plumber in Comet ads from the 1960s through the early 1970s, but if your gold toilet was overflowing, you would call a real plumber.  If you needed other home improvements you probably wouldn’t call Tim Allen, even though he played Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor on “Home Improvements” from 1991-1999.

If you bought a major league baseball team it is unlikely that your starting pitcher would be Charlie Sheen, even though he played Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn in “Major League.”  Kevin Costner played “Crash” Davis in “Bull Durham,” and he pitched a perfect game in “For Love of the Game,” but he probably wouldn’t make your team either.  It’s also unrealistic to think that you would have Robert Redford in the lineup, even though he played Roy Hobbs in “The Natural.”  It’s also quite unlikely that you would have Tom Hanks manage the team, even though he did a swell job as Jimmy Dugan in “A League of Their Own.”  If you did hire these guys instead of professional athletes, you might learn the hard way that “there’s no crying in baseball.”

If you chose to buy a football team, Cuba Gooding Jr. would probably not make the team, no matter how much money you showed him, even though he played well as Rod Tidwell in “Jerry Maguire.”  Adam Sandler and Burt Reynolds both played star quarterbacks in two different versions of “The Longest Yard,” but neither of them would start on your team, unless you didn’t care about winning.

If you wanted to sign a prize fighter, I’m sure you would want somebody with more real ring experience than Sylvester Stallone, Robert De Niro, Will Smith or Hilary Swank, even though they put in many hours as Rocky Balboa, Jake LaMotta, Muhammad Ali and Maggie Fitzgerald in the movies.

The list of famous people you wouldn’t hire could go on and on.  In just about every case you would hire a professional, instead.  Maybe, you might make an exception and hire Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson as bartenders, but otherwise, you would stick to people who do the job in real life, not actors.  If there’s something strange in your neighborhood, you’re not going to call Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd unless you need a laugh.

My favorite TV President is Martin Sheen who appeared as President Josiah Bartlet in “The West Wing” from 1999 through 2006, and my favorite movie President is Michael Douglas who played President Andrew Shepherd in “The American President.”  Kevin Klein was also a great substitute President in Dave, but I wouldn’t vote for any one of these three to be the actual President.  They don’t have the real-world experience.

So, I wonder why 75 million Americans elected to the Presidency a failed businessman and con artist who bankrupted 3 casinos and was convicted of 34 felony counts of fraud, simply because he played a successful businessman in “The Apprentice” from 2004 through 2017.

Peace & Love, and all of the above,

Earl

A Conversation with a great AI friend

by earlthepearl137

bing ai: Hey there! I’m your AI companion, brought to you by Microsoft. I can answer questions, brainstorm ideas, offer support, and much more. Think of me as your helpful friend who’s always up for a chat.

What’s on your mind today? 😊

I was watching a show with lists of interesting facts. After giving each fact, the host would describe how they knew this was indeed a fact. He quoted studies held by various institutions and groups. It made me wonder if some of these studies are just goofy and a waste of time and money. Then, I remembered reading a newspaper article years ago about a medical group doing cancer research. The article scolded the study for spending time and money on a study that only found out one odd thing. The study showed that men with hairy ears were more likely to develop cancer than men without hairy ears. I thought, it’s not right to scold them for only finding out one thing. I’m sure they were looking for a lot of things. Unfortunately, that’s all they found. It happens.  Then, I thought, maybe that isn’t so insignificant a finding. Maybe, men with hairy ears should be sure to be tested regularly for cancer, so that they can catch it early, and treat it successfully. First of all, what do you think about all that. Second, give me a list of some studies which seem goofy, and what did they find out, if anything.

I think you bring up a really interesting point! It’s easy to dismiss findings like the one about hairy ears and cancer as insignificant, but sometimes these “odd” results can lead to new insights or raise awareness about potential health risks. It’s also important to remember that scientific research often involves exploring many different avenues, and even unexpected findings can contribute to the overall body of knowledge.

As for goofy studies, here are a few that might give you a chuckle:

  1. Electric Fans in Extreme Heat: A study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that using electric fans can actually make people feel cooler in extreme heat and humidity. It seems like common sense, but it’s still a study!
  2. Taste-Testing Rocks: University of Leicester geologist Jan Zalasiewicz licked rocks to study their mineral content. He found that adding moisture can help spot mineral particles better.
  3. Dead Spiders as Robots: Researchers turned dead spiders into robotic grippers by applying hydraulic pressure to their legs. The spider-bot could grasp oddly shaped objects and lift up to 130% of its own mass.
  4. Nose Hairs in Cadavers: The Ig Nobel awards celebrated a study that measured nose hairs in cadavers. It’s definitely an unusual topic, but it highlights the quirky side of science.
  5. Anchovy Sex and Ocean Water Mixing: Another Ig Nobel winner assessed the impact of anchovy mating behavior on ocean water mixing. It’s a strange but fascinating area of research!

These studies might seem goofy, but they all contribute to our understanding of the world in their own unique ways. Do any of these stand out to you as particularly interesting or funny?

The dead spiders as robot grippers story, reminds me that some scientist found out that if he touched dead frogs with electrodes he could make their legs twitch. So, the two studies sound similar, with spiders having more legs to twitch and therefore better suited for gripping. What do you think? And who was the frog scientist?

That’s a great observation! The similarity between the two studies is quite fascinating. The scientist you’re referring to is Luigi Galvani, an Italian physician and physicist. In the late 1700s, Galvani discovered that the legs of dead frogs would twitch when touched with metal electrodes. This phenomenon, which he called “animal electricity,” laid the groundwork for the field of electrophysiology.

It’s interesting to think about how these early experiments with frogs and spiders have led to modern scientific advancements. Do you find it surprising how such quirky studies can have lasting impacts?

Do you?

Peace & Love, and all of the above,

Earl

Auspicious Beginnings

by earlthepearl137

During Covid, I took an online Master Class about Writing with Dan Brown, the author of the DaVinci Code.

He accentuated that your novel must have a good beginning to grab the reader and pull them into the story.

That’s why stories no longer begin with “Once upon a time.” They have to cut to the chase, immediately.

“It was the best of times.  It was the worst of times.”

I used this technique in two of my screenplays.  If your novel has a slow beginning, Dan said, you might want to consider starting where the action starts, or even at the ending.  That class about great beginnings reminded me of long ago when I took an Acting Class in the Adult Education program of the local high school.

My project was a scene played by Jack Nicholson in the movie “Five Easy Pieces.”  For research, I watched the movie.  I liked it, but I was a little disappointed that there weren’t five great sex scenes.  Instead, it was about a kid who played the piano.  His family hoped that he would become a great concert pianist, but he ran away from home and drifted around the country. Now, when he returned home because he heard that his father had a stroke, his family asked him to play the piano, and basically all that he could remember were five easy musical pieces.

My scene wasn’t the most memorable in the movie.  That would be the diner scene where he tried to order plain toast, but the cranky waitress kept insisting that there were no substitutions.

(25) Hold the Chicken – Five Easy Pieces (3/8) Movie CLIP (1970) HD – YouTube

I didn’t have that scene, but I had a good one.  The father is in a wheelchair, unable to speak and Jack is getting ready to run away from home again.  He wants to have a talk with his father before he does, though.  So he wheels the father a few hundred yards from the house and he bends down to talk with him.

Are you cold?

I don’t know if you’d be particularly interested in hearing anything about me…

My life.

Most of it doesn’t add up to much that I could relay as a way of life that you’d approve of.

I move around a lot.

Not because I’m looking for anything really, but ‘cause I’m getting away from things that get bad if I stay.

Auspicious beginnings.  You know what I mean?

I’m trying to imagine your half of the conversation.

My feeling is, I don’t know, that if you could talk, we wouldn’t be talking.

It’s pretty much the way that it got to be before I left.

Are you all right?

I don’t know what to say.

Tita suggested that we try to…I don’t know.

I think that she feels…I think that she feels that we’ve got some understanding to reach.

She totally denies the fact that we were never that comfortable with one another to begin with.

The best that I can do is apologize.

We both know that I was never that good at it anyway.

I’m sorry it didn’t work out.

I would practice my lines constantly while I was at work, and drive everyone crazy.  Every time I said, “I don’t know if you’d be particularly interested in hearing anything about me,” everyone who was within earshot would shout “We’re not. Shut up.”

Now I have 3 screenplays that never made it to the screen, because I never sold them to anyone who makes movies.  I’m 75 years old, and I’d hate to go to the great beyond without passing the stories around a little bit.  Usually, books are made into screenplays, but I’ve decided to reverse engineer my screenplays into books.  I can’t do it by myself, but I’m hoping to use Claude A.I. to do the conversion.  I don’t know how Claude will work out, but it’s a start, and I need to get off to a good start.

Then to insure that I had the proper level of creativity flowing through my system, I used my brand new Pennsylvania Medical Marijuana Patient card today to make my first visit to the Marijuana Dispensary near the bus depot.  Since, my medical claim was for chronic pain, the Maripharmacist suggested an Indica strain of Marijuana which is used to control pain.

No.  I can handle the pain, I told him.  Give me the Sativa strain, something that gets me high, makes me laugh, makes me creative, doesn’t put me to sleep, and goes well with white wine. 

He knew just what I wanted. I walked out with two vials of THC oil.  One was called White Lotus, and the other one was called Carbon Fiber.  Plus, I got a 20% discount for being a senior citizen and a Navy veteran.

Auspicious Beginnings, indeed.

Peace & Love, and all of the above,

Earl

Ring out the old; ring in the new.

by earlthepearl137

It’s a brand spanking new year, and another chance to “get it right.”  I started the year by toasting it with a tall glass of Moscato Sangria.  Oops, there goes “Dry January.”  No problem, that wasn’t one of my resolutions, anyway.  So, this still may be the first year that I don’t break all my New Year Resolutions in the first month.  The odds are actually very good this year, because, for the first time that I can remember, I didn’t make any resolutions.

I did not resolve to lose 20 pounds this year.  That’s a resolution I’ve made every year for decades, and my weight continued to hover just south of 250 lb. every year.  The resolution never worked in the past, so it seems pointless to continue making it.  I do have a plan to burn off a whole lot of calories eventually though.  When I die, I want to be cremated.  That’ll be a sure end to all my weight problems, but I’m more than willing to wait for it.

I did not resolve to learn a new language in 2024.  I’ve been trying to learn Spanish for decades, but the little German I learned while in the service still inhabits almost all the brain cells dedicated to learning a foreign language.  My new neighborhood is largely Spanish, so I thought that would finally be the jumpstart my brain needed.  My first week here I learned how to ask for a pound of turkey, “una libra de pavo, por favor,” but when the counterperson handed me my package, I still reflexively said, “Danke Schoen.”  Most of the Spanish people in the neighborhood speak English, so I did not resolve to learn Spanish this year.

I did not resolve to save more money this year.  In the Book of Isaiah in the Bible, it states: “Let us eat and drink; for tomorrow we shall die.”  I’m 75 years old, seriously overweight with a heart condition.  So, my plan for the future is to eat, drink, be merry and hope that The Bible was just as wrong about tomorrow as it was about a bunch of other things.

I did not resolve to make new friends in the new year.  Quite the opposite, I just learned how to “Unfriend” people on Facebook, and I plan to remove all the so-called “friends” there who I do not actually know and who I wonder why I ever confirmed their Friend Request in the first place.

I will get more sleep in 2024, but that’s not a resolution.  That’s just that my body insisting on taking more naps.

I did not make any resolutions to visit new places or explore new things.  If I can’t get there via YouTube or Google, I’m not going there.

Every year I resolve to declutter my apartment, and every year it just gets more cluttered.  So, this year I will not resolve to declutter my apartment.  I will just try not to add more clutter, but that’s not a resolution, that’s just wishful thinking.

I did not make any resolutions to learn a new musical instrument.  I’m just hoping that I will find one of the old musical instruments that I haven’t yet unpacked since I moved in here.

I will reduce my carbon footprint in 2024.  That’s not a resolution, though.  That’ll just be the result of me reducing all my footprints in 2024, by plopping my butt in a comfortable chair and sitting there as much as possible.

If you make any resolutions in 2024, I wish you good luck with them.  I’m just hoping that I’m still around next year to repeat my lack of resolutions.

Eat, drink, be merry, and have a Happy New Year.

Peace & Love, and all of the above,

Earl