Sometimes You Eat the B’ar


In one of my favorite movies, The Big Lebowski, the mustachioed Sam Elliot tells the Dude, “A wiser man than me once said that sometimes you eat the b’ar, and sometimes the b’ar eats you.”   Saturday night was opening night for Women’s Flat Track Roller Derby in Lancaster.  In their first game, The Dutchland Rollers ate the b’ar, handily defeating the South Delaware team.  In the second game of the doubleheader, the b’ar ate them.

Normally, I get there just before the match starts and walk right in to the arena, but on Saturday I wound up at the end of an extremely long line of people waiting to get in.  Many were local fans of the Dutchland Rollers coming out to support the team in their season opener.  Some were fans of the South Delaware team, but a whole hoard of people were there supporting the team that would play in the second game.

In the second game the Rollers faced the Jersey Shore Beatdown, and it was a hell of a game.  The Dutchland Rollers faced a well-drilled team that had brought a lot of talent, their own cheerleaders, and a huge fanbase.  They must have come by the busload.  They also had three spectacular jammers, Horror Quinn, Silicone Valkyrie, and Misbehaving Maven.

I’m a diehard Dutchland Rollers fan, and one thing I’ve learned from the ladies is that they enjoy the game and that playing hard and improving themselves with each game is what this is all about.  They’re amateurs, in that they don’t get paid to play, but they’re professional in their attitude, and they put forth 100% effort all the time.  Playing up to your potential is more important than winning.  The league is set up so that the winningest teams wind up advancing to tougher and tougher divisions.  Because of their winning record last year, The Rollers are now playing against some of the finest Women’s teams in Flat Track Roller Derby, and the games are competitive and intense.

They also have some fun with makeup.  Dash Ketchum, one of our finest jammers, wears dark makeup around the eyes that make her look, well, deadly.  When she pulls up her bandana like an old-time train robber, you know she means business.  Mega Pixel, with her torn fishnet stockings and bright red bloomers under her short uniform skirt, looks kind of cute, sexy, and harmless, until she furiously busts through a wall of opponents to rack up points for her team.  They were in the first game, which the Rollers won.

In the second game, Kis’t Kis’t Bang Bang was the Rollers’ top jammer.  She skated very well, but her opposition was just overpowering.  They were the previously mentioned, Horror Quinn, Silicone Valkyrie, and Misbehaving Maven.  My favorite was Horror Quinn.  She wore a costume that was part Harlequin and part The Joker.  Even her bright white mouth guard added to the look.  When she flashed that great big smile, just before she crashed through a wall of determine, but doomed, Dutchland blockers, she looked like a female Jack Nicholson, though I guess she was actually going for the look of Harley Quinn in the Batman stories.  The rollerskates have a round rubber piece in the front that can be used as a brake to stop a skater, though I’ve never actually seen a skater use it for that purpose.  Horror Quinn was able to stand on that piece like a ballerina, and use the added traction of the rubber to plow through the defense like a fullback.

Later, at the after party, I sat at a table with Kis’t Kis’t Bang Bang and Horror Quinn, the top jammers of the two opposing teams in the second game.  There was no lingering blood feud between them, though.  It was just girls having fun, which is what this league is all about.  And having fun is what I’m all about, so I loved every minute of it, and I also loved the cheeseburger and fries they served at 501 West.  The next game is April 13th.

Peace & Love, and all of the above,



We Be Jammin’

Two milestones were set last Saturday thanks to the local Women’s Flat Track Roller Derby.  Vanitti won her first MVP Jammer award, and I finally got my activity tracker to announce that I had successfully completed my goal for the day.  I don’t remember exactly what my goal for the day is, since I set it when I first bought the watch years ago, but I normally only hit about 35-40% of whatever that goal is.

On Saturday, The Dutchland Rollers competed against and defeated the Salisbury Wicomikazes from Maryland in the first match of “Monster Mashup Night.”  This was the third time I’ve attended the local roller derby, and it was easily the best.  I realized that it’s a lot like horse racing.  The more familiar you are with the athletes going around the track, the more interesting it is.  By now I recognize many of the Rollers, especially their two best jammers, Vanitti and Mega Pixel.  I also wound up cheering for one of the blockers on the Wicomikazi team, #13, Ida Crazy Mama.  (Far left in the team picture above.)  I kinda had to cheer for her, as her parents were sitting right in front of me.

At halftime, one of the other parents came over to me and asked me if I had a daughter skating on the team.  I know that she was being very tactful, because I’m probably older than most of the girl’s grandparents.  I told her that, No, I didn’t have any relatives on the track, I was just a Vanitti groupie.

In the 2nd match, continuing the Halloween theme of the evening, Witches Be Crazy defeated Ghouls Just Want To Have Fun.  Raggedy Aneurysm, #79, proved to be one of the stars for the Witches.  Ghengis Bon, #302, was my favorite Ghoul.  After that it was time to head home.  There was just one problem.  The bus had stopped running hours earlier.

I knew the bus schedule, and I had a plan for getting home.  It was a simple plan.  I knew from a Google map that the arena was just a little more than 3 miles from my apartment.  I would walk to the closest bar, have a few drinks, and then call a cab.  So, I started walking, and I quickly realized the flaw in my plan.  There weren’t any bars on that road.  It was a pleasant evening, so I figured I’d just keep walking until I got tired and then call a cab.  I made it all the way home.  The last three blocks seemed to take me almost as long as the first three miles, but I made it, and I felt good when I got home.  Tired, but good.

The next day I checked my activity tracker and found that I had reached my daily goal for the first time ever.  I had taken a total of 12,453 steps and completed 4.67 miles.  I took a few more steps to my recliner and spent the rest of the day there.  No sense pushing myself too hard.  I’ve got to save my strength for November 12th, when The Dutchland Rollers take on the Mason Dixon Roller Vixens.

Peace & Love, and all of the above,